Photographing toddlers and young children is one of the most rewarding things I do as a photographer — and also the most unpredictable. One moment they're giggling, the next they've decided shoes are optional and they're running in the opposite direction, or crying uncontrollably!

But over the years, I've learned a simple truth:
Young children aren't "misbehaving"… they're discovering independence.

A 2-year-old buckling their own shoe…
A 4-year-old insisting "I'll do it!"…
A 6-year-old choosing which colour shirt to wear…

They're learning new skills every day — and to them, every new ability means "I'm big now. I can decide." This isn't my opinion as a photographer; it's simply where children are, developmentally, between one and seven. The entire job of those years is building a sense of "I can do things myself." A photoshoot that takes that away — sit here, look there, smile now — is working directly against the one thing the child cares most about that day.

If we understand this, we stop trying to control the photoshoot and start designing it so the child feels in charge.

The secret to a successful photoshoot?
Make it feel like the child's idea.

Before the Tips — What Are We Actually Trying to Capture?

One thing before the step-by-step, because it shapes everything that follows.

Every child has expressions that belong to them alone. The particular way one girl scrunches her nose right before she laughs. The exact tilt of a boy's head when he's deciding whether to trust you. The look of fierce concentration a four-year-old wears while "fixing" something. No posing guide produces these — they only appear when a child forgets the camera exists and becomes fully themselves.

And here's why that matters more than anything else in this post: a posed, say-cheese photo shows what your child looked like. An unguarded expression shows who your child was. The first one is nice for a week. The second one is the photograph you'll stop in front of, on your own wall, fifteen years from now — when that nose-scrunch has long grown into something else — and feel the whole of that age come rushing back.

We're not shooting for a social media feed here. Feeds scroll past and disappear. We're shooting for the frame in the living room, the print by a grandparent's bedside — images that will be looked at for years and decades, long after every phone in the house has been replaced. That's the standard every technique below is built to serve.

Here's how we do it — step by step.

1. Involve the Child from the Start

Instead of telling them what to do, involve them right from the planning stage. Invite them into the process with simple choices.

Instead of: "Sit here."
Try: "Do you want to sit on the chair or stand like a superhero?"

Instead of: "Wear this."
Try: "Do you like the blue shirt or the red one?"

Kids love having power. When they choose, they commit.

Why this works: notice that both options lead somewhere I'm happy with — the choice is real to the child, but the frame is safe either way. Psychologists call this offering "bounded choice," and parents use it instinctively at dinner time ("carrots or beans?"). It satisfies the child's hunger for independence without handing over the whole session. A child who has made two or three choices already feels like a partner in this project — and partners cooperate, because it's their project failing if they don't.

Mini story: I once asked a little girl where we should start. She pointed at a random corner and said, "There!" I said, "Great idea!" and walked her there. Two minutes later, I had earned the space to ask, "Will you like this?" (showing her a quick look on my camera). Because I respected her choice first, she happily listened later. In short — you are building a partnership.

2. Turn Posing into Play (No Commands!)

Children don't pose — they pretend, play, copy, and imagine. So instead of rigid instructions, I use playful prompts:

"Can you show me your cute cute smile pleaseee?"
"Oooh! How cute you look sitting like that!"
"Should Teddy sit on your lap or on your head?"
"Can you show me how you hug your toy?"
"Do you want to try this cool jump?"

It feels like a game, not a task. And the expressions? 100% real.

Why this works: play is not a distraction from a child's "real" behaviour — play IS a child's natural language. A command ("smile!") asks a child to manufacture an expression on demand, which even adults do badly. A game produces the expression as a side effect — the child is busy being a superhero or balancing Teddy on their head, and the delight on their face is genuine because the delight is genuine. This is the entire difference between a photo that looks like your child and a photo that IS your child.

Remember to be a kid at this play yourself, and plan your steps ahead — this is what professional photographers learn and master over time: playing along wholeheartedly while quietly staying two moves ahead with framing and light.

3. Use Positive Reinforcement (It Works Like Magic)

When a child feels proud, they'll do anything again. Instead of correcting, I celebrate:

"Wow, you did that all by yourself!"
"That was PERFECT — can we do it again?"
"You're so fast! I almost missed it!"
"That smile is my favourite!"

And immediately… they repeat it with even more excitement.

Why this works: behaviour that gets celebrated gets repeated — that's as close to a law of childhood as anything I know. But there's a photography-specific bonus hiding in "can we do it again?": the repeat of a spontaneous moment is often better than the original. The first jump surprised even the child; the second jump, they're performing proudly for an appreciative audience, chin up, eyes bright. I get multiple chances at the moment, and the child's confidence grows visibly frame by frame. Correcting does the opposite — one "no, not like that" and you can watch a child fold inward. It takes ten celebrations to undo one correction, so I simply never correct.

4. Keep Distractions (Especially Phones) Away

One of the biggest challenges isn't the child — it's the phone in the parent's hand. The moment a parent takes out a mobile or starts recording from the side, the child wants it. Attention is gone.

Before the shoot, I gently ask: "Let's keep mobiles out of sight so your child stays fully engaged. They look at you for cues — if you're involved and smiling, they'll do the same!"

Replace the phone with: laughter, clapping, singing, playing along.

Why this works: young children read the room through their parents — it's called social referencing, and it's how they decide whether a new situation is safe and fun. A parent absorbed in a screen sends the signal "this isn't important," and the child's engagement drains within a minute. A parent laughing and clapping just behind me sends the opposite signal — and gives the child somewhere warm to direct those expressions. Many of the best "looking just past the camera" portraits in my galleries are actually a child beaming at their own mother, three feet to my left. The phone version of that moment simply does not exist.

5. Bring Their Favourite Toy (It's More Than a Prop)

A beloved toy isn't just a cute accessory — it's comfort, identity, and storytelling.

I often ask:
"What do you want to tell Teddy?"
"Can your car go fast or SUPER fast?"
"Should Bunny sit with you or fly in the sky?"
"Can you show me how you play with _____?"

Give time, and allow them to forget about the camera and start being themselves. Those are the moments worth capturing.

Why this works: a familiar toy is what child psychologists call a comfort object — a piece of home the child carries into an unfamiliar studio. It lowers their guard faster than anything I can say. But the deeper value shows up years later: that specific bunny, that particular battered car, was this exact chapter of your child's life. Toys get outgrown and quietly disappear. A photograph of your child mid-conversation with a toy they adored is a double portrait — the child and the era. Parents rarely realise at the shoot how much that detail will mean at year fifteen. I've had parents tear up over the toy in the frame as much as the face.

6. Let Them Show Off Their New Skills

Kids LOVE proving how "big" they are. Let them!

"Can you jump higher than me?"
"Show me your newest dance move!"
"How fast can you run to the tree and back?"
"Can you balance on one foot?"

They beam with pride — and I capture pure joy in motion.

Why this works: this taps the exact developmental engine driving the whole age group — the drive to demonstrate competence. A child showing off a new skill produces an expression that cannot be requested: genuine pride. And here's the long-view reason I chase these frames — the skill itself is a timestamp. The wobbly one-foot balance, the brand-new dance move, the jump that barely clears the ground: these are abilities measured in months. In the print on your wall, that wobble is precisely what says "this was them, at exactly four and a half." A generic smile could be from any year. The wobble could only be from that one.

7. Turn the Shoot into a Mini Adventure

When a session feels like a game, cooperation happens naturally.

Some fun themes: explorer looking for treasure · superhero on a mission · freeze/unfreeze game · "the floor is lava!" · "can you tiptoe like a sneaky cat?"

The more imagination, the better the expressions.

Why this works: a story gives the session a spine. Without one, a shoot is a series of disconnected requests, and every new request is a fresh chance for "no." Inside a story, the next thing simply happens — of course we tiptoe now, we're sneaking past the sleeping dragon. Each child also inhabits the same story completely differently: one explorer is cautious and wide-eyed, another charges in sword-first. The adventure isn't just keeping them busy — it's drawing out their version of brave, careful, mischievous. That individuality is the whole prize.

8. Parents: Cheerleaders, Not Directors

Parents are incredible helpers… when they support rather than instruct.

What works best: stand behind or beside me · laugh, clap, encourage · let me lead with the playful prompts · trust the process.

If a parent says, "Smile! Look here! No, do this!" the child shuts down.
If the parent says, "Wow! You're doing great!" the child lights up.

Why this works: when two adults give a child instructions at once, the child freezes — which voice to obey? And a parent's correcting voice carries far more weight than mine, because the child cares infinitely more about their parent's approval. One sharp "no, not like that" from Mom outweighs twenty of my games. So the division of labour matters: I supply the play, you supply the applause. And I say this with warmth, not criticism — the directing instinct comes from love and from wanting your money's worth from the session. I promise you'll get it. The route there is just your delighted laughter, not your directions.

9. Keep Sessions Short & Flexible

Children have limited attention — and changing energy. That's why I plan several mini activities instead of one long setup. When a child is in the mood, I follow their lead. When they're tired, we pause or change the game.

Flexibility > Perfection.

Why this works: a young child's genuine engagement runs in short bursts — a few strong minutes at a time, not an hour on demand. Fighting that produces exactly one thing: the glazed, done-with-this expression that ruins every frame it appears in. Working with it means treating the session as five or six small windows, with wandering and snacks in between. Some of my favourite frames have come during the "break" — the child relaxed, unwatched, being completely themselves — while I quietly kept shooting. The schedule serves the child; never the reverse.

10. End on a Positive Note

The final feeling shapes the memory.

At the end, I often: show them a photo — "Look! That's YOU!" · give a high-five · let them click a photo with my help · say, "You were amazing today!"

They leave proud and excited — often asking, "Can we do it again?"

Why this works: we don't remember experiences evenly — we remember how they peaked and how they ended. A session that finishes with pride and a high-five gets stored, in the child's memory, as "photoshoots are fun." That's not just a kindness; it's an investment. The next session — a year from now, three years from now — starts with a child who walks in already trusting the process. Families who photograph their children regularly through these years end up with something genuinely rare: an honest, joyful record of a person growing up, made by a child who wanted to be there every time.

Why All of This Matters — The Photo on the Wall

Young children don't resist photoshoots because they're difficult. They resist because they want independence — and we often take it away. But when we invite them to participate, when we use choices, praise, play, imagination, and patience — they don't just cooperate. They shine.

And here is the thing I most want parents to take from this post: the reason for all of this patience is not a smoother session. It's what ends up in the frame.

Every technique above exists to reach the same destination — the moment your child forgets the camera and their real, unrepeatable self surfaces. The expressions that emerge in that moment belong to your child alone. They were never posed, so they can never be reproduced. And that is exactly what makes those images grow more precious with time instead of less: children change so fast that within a couple of years, that laugh, that head-tilt, that fierce little frown of concentration exists nowhere except in the photograph.

A perfectly posed picture gets a compliment and gets scrolled past. But the honest one — the one where it's unmistakably your child being exactly who they were at three, or five, or seven — that's the one that earns a frame on the wall or a place by a bedside, and stays there for decades. Long after phones and feeds have moved on, that print keeps doing its quiet work every single day.

The best kid photos don't come from perfect poses.
They come from letting them be fully, wonderfully themselves.

And that's the magic worth capturing — not for a week of likes, but for a lifetime on the wall.